Descriptor: self harming

Hi, I have been told to apply for DLA for my ME/CFS but just couldn't justify it to myself as I 'cope'; (the house is pretty gruby and I don't have a social life but I manage to do what needs doing).
The problems I have, like other people I have read about on this site, is that I look well and I look normal!
Even my GP said last week I should try and get ESA for the ME/CFS rather than the depression.
I never thought I would see my 21st birthday and I've just turned 44! But it's bloody hard work just 'being' at times.
I have just read a rant about maternity leave by another member which really upset me. I was in a relationship until my youngest was two. I neither asked to be ill or a single parent and yet am criticised for living on handouts.
I am really sorry, this has turned into a sob story when all I meant to say was
Thankyou!
(and all my best to you and your daughter)
Rachel

Your post really touched me. Your life sounds very much like mine. I think I was born mentally ill! In reality it's genetic for me.

I was advised to claim DLA but not sure I can justify the extra worry/anxiety etc. I've also got FMS and Arthritis in my spine and it seems to be spreading.

I really understand the "hard work just being". It's not a sob story and you are not alone.

Hi Tazman, thankyou so much for your reply. I have found very few people in my life who understand and it's a breath of fresh air when someone does.
I completely agree, I think my depression is genetic, or at least a predisposition to it. When I first saw a psychiatrist he said he would love to meet my Dad as he obviously saw my illness as hereditry.
I can pinpoint my depression to 6 or 7 years, (possibly earlier). Unfortunately I didn't receive any treatment til I was 30.
I am very touched by your message. This site has been a godsend over the last few weeks.
I really hope all goes well for you, best wishes,
Rachel

Hello Rachel, yes it does help a little knowing we are not the only ones feeling the way we do. I seem to have inherited a lot from my Dad but not all bad. Even very early school reports hint at mental problems.

It's always other people (particularly employers) who have made my problems worse and I now rarely go out.

I'm here if you need to 'vent'.

Taz

Hi Rachel
I've only just logged on so haven't yet seen the other post which so upset you - I'm so sorry. Bottom line is that none of us can afford to accuse anyone of being a welfare scrounger/cheat unless we have absolute proof as we don't know their circumstances. Any of the so called 'hidden' health/disablities such as CFS/ME, depression etc can be masked by the outward appearance of sufferers who 'put on a brave face'& on 'better' days can perhaps get out & about. I have CFS/ME & depression. Last autumn I had enough energy to go blackberrying with my son - once; this year I haven't managed it & have been virtually housebound in spite of my best efforts, my outings have been to GP & hospital appointments. Anyone seeing me out last year blackberrying may well have thought I was a welfare cheat & have been completely & utterly wrong.
FYI I claimed ESA for both CFS/ME & depression.

Best wishes
maggie

Hi Maggie, thankyou for your reply and I am really sorry that you are suffering too. The great thing about this website is that you can 'meet' similar people who know what you are going through and I really, really appreciate everybody who has 'talked' to me.

I think, aswell as the depression keeping me in doors over the years, and then the ME/CFS, it's the constant 'what do you do?' or 'when are you going back to work?' etc and the 'oh' you get to whatever you feel up to saying at the time.

I admit I am better than I was five years ago; which has come back to bite me! I was told to 'pace' myself and to go for walks, both to help with my condition but the minute you do this everyone assumes you must be fit for work! You can't win!

And god forbid I read a bit everyday! I must be raring to go! (sorry, this is a reference to what the ATOS nurse put in my notes)

This has turned into another rant, sorry!
Thankyou once again for your kind and empathetic message Maggie. Wishing you all the best,
Rachel