Just an update - very helpful adult services

I appreciate this isn’t the remit of this forum (though I am mid PIP review) I just wanted to share my initial experience following the death of my husband last week, who was my carer. I am incredibly lucky to have lots of close family nearby and also very supportive extended family, however I messaged adult services to ask what help they could offer. They literally responded the same day and someone is coming round to fit more rails to my bath. They have also recommended lots of aids I didn’t know existed for cooking and remembering to take my pills and insulin. I am going to have to remember to copy this all and send to go with my review evidence that I sent off last December! Additionally my GP has arranged for more physio, that doesnt require someone else to help me with it now my husband is no longer with me.
I suppose what I am saying is never be afraid to ask for help, even like me if you won’t qualify for any financial support, there will still be help so don’t be afraid to ask

Hello Evelyn,

I was very moved by your original post as I know this is a devastating situation which occurs all too often. I am so glad to hear that you have family around you and that you have contacted adult services and are now well on the way to getting the help you need. And thank you for posting about it so other people know there is help out there. I used to work in adult social care (but only in an admin capacity) and I know people are often fearful of asking for help because they don't like the idea of people coming into their home and telling them what to do. But it's no more than anyone who needs help should be entitled to in a fair and reasonable society - it's so nice when someone says they've appreciated that help.

Do keep in touch and let us all know how you're getting on.

With best wishes,

Wendy

Thank you Wendy. Just organising the funeral and also found out I can get a lump sum bereavement benefit which will help. I am in a good place financially (we both worked full time until I got so bad I had to take early retirement) and my mental health is good, so with the support I am getting , including this forum, I know I can get through these dark days. And I imagine my husband getting cross with me for my self pity! He was the best and at least we were together for 43 years, since I was 17 and he was 18 so we had lots fondest together which is more than many experience. I will update you as we attempt to live our “new normal”

Hi Evelyn

So nice to hear of a good experience. I have been a social worker and it is all too often that you hear bad things about them. I suppose positive social workers don't make good headlines for some of the newspapers.
I'm really pleased they responded so swiftly and that you feel positive about living your 'new normal'. You'll have ups and downs I am sure, but I'm with Wendy, please let us know how you're getting on.
I hope the funeral goes as well as these things can and that you get some comfort from the people who come to celebrate your husband's life.
All the best
Anji

Bless you Evelyn I am so pleased you are getting on as well as you are. I'm likely to be in the same place one day, as my dear OH is always reminding me, as he is considerably older than me. But a word of caution from my sister's experience last year. When first widowed she was very on top of everything, a marvellous funeral etc. However she has since sadly collapsed mentally and due to that significantly physically [not eating properly or putting the heating on over the winter] ended up in hospital and now has to have carers in. If she had asked for help sooner it could probably have saved much of this. So if you do ever start to feel down, which of course I dearly hope you won't, please make sure to ask for help straight away and not pretend you are coping. That was my sister's mistake, being a rather private person mixed with pride I suppose.
Thinking of you Evelyn,
Denby